Courtship and Dating
Location: Beaulieu Seventh-day Adventist Church
Courtship and Marriage
Courtship is recognized as a preparatory period during which a man and a woman, already mutually attracted, become more thoroughly acquainted with each other in preparation for intended marriage. Christian marriage is a divinely sanctioned union between a believing man and a believing woman for the fulfillment of their mutual love, for mutual support, for shared happiness, and for the procreation and rearing of children who will in turn become Christians. According to God’s design, this union lasts until dissolved by the death of one of the partners.
Marriage is the foundation of human society, and true affection between man and woman is ordained of God. "Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve."—The Ministry of Healing, p. 359.
The failure to follow these principles in Christian courtship may lead to tragedy. Unity of husband and wife in ideals and purposes is a requisite to a happy and successful home. The Scriptures counsel, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Cor. 6:14). [STANDARDS OF CHRISTIAN LIVING 183]
Differences regarding religion are likely to mar the happiness of a home where partners hold different beliefs, and lead to confusion, perplexity, and failure in the rearing of children.
"The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to mankind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of
God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities."—The Adventist Home, p. 18.
Worship of God, Sabbathkeeping, recreation, association, use of financial resources, and training of children are responsible components of happy family relationships. Because differences in these areas can often lead to a deterioration of these relationships, to discouragement, and even to a complete loss of Christian experience, an adequate preparation for marriage should include premarital pastoral counseling in these areas.
" ‘Can two walk together, except they be agreed?’ (Amos 3:3). The happiness and prosperity of the marriage relation depends upon the unity of the parties; but between the believer and the unbeliever there is a radical difference of tastes, inclinations, and purposes. They are serving two masters, between whom there can be no concord. However pure and correct one’s principles may be, the influence of an unbelieving companion will have a tendency to lead away from God."—Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 174.
The Spirit of Prophecy consistently counsels against marriage between "the believer and the unbeliever" and further cautions against uniting with fellow Christians who have "not accepted the truth for this time."—Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 364. Marriages are more likely to endure, and family life to fulfill the divine plan, if husband and wife are united and are bound together by common spiritual values and lifestyles. For these reasons, the Seventh-day Adventist Church strongly discourages marriage between a Seventh-day Adventist and a non-Seventh-day Adventist, and strongly urges Seventh-day Adventist ministers not to perform such weddings.
The church recognizes that it is the prerogative of the individual to make the final decision relative to the choice of a marriage partner. However, it is the hope of the church that, if the member chooses a marriage partner who is not a member of the church, the couple will realize and appreciate that the Seventh-day Adventist minister, who has covenanted to uphold the principles outlined above, should not be expected to perform such a marriage. If an individual does enter into such a marriage, the church is to demonstrate love and concern with the purpose of encouraging the couple toward complete unity in Christ. (For [184 CHURCH MANUAL] further information on the subject of marriage, see Chapter 15, "Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage.")
